144 Quotes by Fred Allen

All that the comedian has to show for his years of work and aggravation is the echo of forgotten laughter.

He writes so well he makes me feel like putting my quill back in my goose.

English coffee tastes like water that has been squeezed out of a wet sleeve.

After quitting radio I was able to live on the money I saved on aspirins.

He always had a chip on his shoulder that he was ready to use to kindle an argument.

A psychiatrists is the next man you start talking to after you start talking to yourself.

I'm a little hoarse tonight. I've been living in Chicago for the past two months, and you know how it is, yelling for help on the way home every night. Things are so tough in Chicago that at Easter time, for bunnies the little kids use porcupines.

If the grass is greener in the other fellow's yard- let him worry about cutting it.

I don’t have to look up my family tree, because I know that I’m the sap.