255 Quotes by George Burns

Dress simply. If you wear a dinner jacket, don't wear anything else on it ... like lunch or dinner.

Love is a lot like a backache. It doesn't show up on x-rays, but you know it's there.

None of us kids had a middle name. We were lucky we had any name at all. By the time my mother got around to naming one, there was another on the way.

I must be getting absent-minded. Whenever I complain that things aren't what they used to be, I always forget to include myself.

Just because you're old that doesn't mean you're more forgetful. The same people whose names I can't remember now I couldn't remember fifty years ago. . .

Lots of people have asked me what Gracie and I did to make our marriage work. It's simple - we don't do anything. I think the trouble with a lot of people is that they work too hard at staying married. They make a business out of it. When you work too hard at a business you get tired; and when you get tired you get grouchy; and when you get grouchy you start fighting; and when you start fighting you're out of business.

Much later in life, though, Gracie made a major contribution to the opera world. She stayed out of it.

I look better, feel better, make love better and I'll tell you something else....I never lied better.

Sex is the Universal Language in which nobody speaks; they don't have to.