565 Quotes by Groucho Marx

Hello, I must be going.

How do you feel about women's rights? I like either side of them.

I was going to thrash them within an inch of their lives, but I didn't have a tape measure.

If it gets any hotter in here I could use a big fan.

You are going Uruguay, and I'm going my way

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.

There's a man outside with a big black mustache. - Tell him I've got one.

If income tax is the price you have to pay to keep the government on its feet, alimony is the price we have to pay for sweeping a woman off hers.

Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.