565 Quotes by Groucho Marx

Television is where you watch people in your living room that you would not want near your house.

I was so long writing my review that I never got around to reading the book.

A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast.

Ice Water? Get some Onions - that'll make your eyes water!

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

I can't understand why you don't get any mail from me. Perhaps it's because I haven't been writing

A moose is an animal with horns on the front of its head and a hunting lodge wall on the back of it

Die, my dear? Why that's the last thing I'll do!

You can leave in a huff. Or you can leave in a minute and a huff.