565 Quotes by Groucho Marx

Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.

Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men -- the other 999 follow women.

Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.

Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.

I think women are sexy when they got some clothes on. And if later they take them off then you've triumphed. Somebody once said it's what you dont see you're interested in, and this is true.

Most young women do not welcome promiscuous advances. (Either that, or my luck's terrible.)

With the possible exception of clothes, beauty salons and Frank Sinatra, there are few subjects all women agree upon.

Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.

All geniuses die young.