357 Quotes by Henny Youngman

Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.

Some people play a horse to win, some to place. I should have bet this horse to live.

I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. "Peanuts. Popcorn."

I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.

I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.

Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.

You have a nice personality, but not for a human being.

He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny.