357 Quotes by Henny Youngman

She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, "Tut, Tut!"

He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.

Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.

On dancing on pointe: Why don't they just get taller girls?

Now, the band that inspired that great saying, "Stop The Music!!"

I don't fly on account of my religion. I'm a devout coward.

This man dresses like an unmade bed.

I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There is water in the carburetor." I said, "Where's the car?" She said, "In the lake."

Is that your hat or are you wearing a cabana?