357 Quotes by Henny Youngman
- Author Henny Youngman
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My wife lost all her credit cards, but I'm not going to report it. Whoever found them spends less than she does!
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- Author Henny Youngman
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You have the Midas touch. Everything you touch turns to a muffler.
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My wife is on a new diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost weight, but can she climb a tree.
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Was that suit made to order? Where were you at the time?
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I went to the bank and reviewed my savings, I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow.
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"What's the latest dope on Wall Street?" "My son!"
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The Doctor says, "You'll live to be 60!" "I AM 60!" "See, what did I tell you?"
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I was just in London - there is a 6 hour time difference. I'm still confused. When I go to dinner, I feel sexy. When I go to bed, I feel hungry.
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- Author Henny Youngman
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I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
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