357 Quotes by Henny Youngman

Doctor says to a man, "You're pregnant!" The man says, "How does a man get pregnant?" The doctor says, "The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner...."

Why does the New Italian navy have glass bottom boats? To see the Old Italian Navy!

"Doctor, my leg hurts. What can I do?" The doctor says, "Limp!"

Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!

A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, "Doc, how do I stand?" The doctor says, "That's what puzzles me!"

Farrah's dressing room was next to mine. There was a little hole in the wall. I let her look.

She was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for the estimate.

There is no spark like the one ignited under the aspirations of a new graduate.

If you’re going to do something tonight that you’ll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.