438 Quotes by Jeff Foxworthy

That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring.

You might be a redneck if your classes at school were cancelled because the path to the restroom was flooded.

Changing a diaper is a lot like getting a present from your grandmother - you're not sure what you've got but you're pretty sure you're not going to like it.

When I was a kid, my parents had a 900-pound television on top of a TV tray. My dad's theory was, 'Let him pull it over his head a few times, he'll learn.'

Look at where Jesus went to pick people. He didn't go to the colleges; he got guys off the fishing docks.

You might be a redneck if there are four or more cars up on blocks in the front yard.

I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did.

If your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home, you might be a redneck.

The only negative about doing stand-up is that you're on the road by yourself. When you're on the road with comics we just crack each other up every night going, "Can you believe they're paying us to do this? They're crazy."