138 Quotes by Jeff Smith

CONTROL MYSELF?!! I'm a MONSTER! Monsters don't control themselves! That's the whole IDEA!

Our bellies are empty and our patience is short...submit to us and we will make of you a great quiche!''Again with the QUICHE?! What kind of self-respecting monster would eat a DAINTY PASTRY DISH?! STEW is what we will make of their bones!''Don't get greedy on me! There's three of them! I just want the little one for my quiche!''It was nothing to do with greed! It's a matter of principle! MONSTERS DO NOT EAT QUICHE!

I bid you peace - said at the end of every TV episode of The Frugal Gourmet

Oops! We thought he had a gun!’ So you shot me in the back three times ’cause you thought I had a gun? I was gonna sue, but they said they was gonna kill me. I was 18 years old, I didn’t have nobody, I didn’t have all this. They kept pickin’ me up, kept lockin’ my ass up, beating me, until I dropped the lawsuit. When I dropped the lawsuit, that’s when everything stopped. That’s what the fuck happened to me. I was terrorized by some terrorists.

Stupid, Stupid Rat Creatures!

That's right, kid. Never play an ace if a two will do.

Please, comrade! I just want to chop him up for the stew!''And that's another thing! I'm tired of stew! I want to put him in a crust and bake a light fluffy quiche!''QUICHE?! What kind of food is THAT for a monster to eat?!

If we keep him for ourselves, we can do anything we want with him!''OH, REALLY?! Does that include baking him in a quiche?!''NO, IT DOES NOT INCLUDE THAT! IT INCLUDES EATING HIM RAW!''That's too bad. He would've made a fine pastry filling.

I'm so hungry, comrade! It has been days since we ate those two raccoons!''I know comrade. I'm even beginning to wish we had some of your homemade quiche!''Oh comrade! Do you mean it?''Hey--Hey! None of that! If you ever tell anyone I said that, I'll deny it!