149 Quotes by Jimmy Carr

My girlfriend bought a cook book the other day called 'Cheap and easy vegetarian cooking'. Which is perfect for her, because not only is she vegetarian...

The tragedy for comedians is there's nothing more they want than to be liked. We desperately seek approval. It's almost like a personality disorder you can do as a job.

If only Africa had more mosquito nets then every year we could save millions of mosquitoes from dying needlessly of aids.

I think being successful in comedy is being funny and making jokes – anything beyond that is the icing on the cake.

If we’re all God’s children, what’s so special about Jesus?

I don’t think young people should have bottoms, they’re too young for that sort of thing.

It had to be hammered home quite a bit because I didn’t see any humour in my life at all.

Swimming is good for you, especially if you’re drowning. Not only do you get a cardiovascular workout but also you don’t die.

I love those people who do story-telling and who ramble on, but I don’t do that, I tell jokes – the sort of jokes that anyone really could tell in the pub.