149 Quotes by Jimmy Carr

I like to write a joke without any fat on it.The shorter the better. I cater for people with ADD, basically.

Like most of the world's population I'm into coffee, my perfect weekend would start with a pint of coffee.

I was a Christian. I didn't want to have sex before marriage, I was a bit uptight and not very self-confident. I was a virgin until I was 26.

I did a gig in the U.S. once for the homeless. I said 'It's nice to see so many bums on seats.'

My girlfriend said she wanted me to tease her, so I said "Alright, fatty."

When someone close to you dies, move seats.

People with Tourettes.....What makes them tick?

When you eat a lot of spicy food, you can lose your taste. When I was in India last summer, I was listening to a lot of Michael Bolton.

I was in the South of France. I saw a Brownie on a school trip. She was holding up a book. It said on the front 'rough guide'. I thought: 'Yeah' she's not a looker.