33 Quotes by Jimmy Tudeski

I mean, drink driving is bad, drug driving is bad, but what is driving whilst under the influence of a fuc%ing nymphomaniac in your lap? How many years will this get me, if I do manage to keep my eyes on the road and not drive us off it first?

If the morning never comes, because the night before didn't end, then surely it's harder to feel like shit the next day if you don't sleep

Seriously, so many times I've heard women talk about fast men unsatisfying them in the bedroom because they ejaculate too quickly, yet it seems now, if you don't ejaculate quick enough, then they will feel insecure about it instead. I don't get it - Too quick, you're rubbish, yet too long, then you're making them feel bad.

Glass half full, or glass half empty, what am I? The answer? I'm not the bloody glass, I'm the fucking tap! Meaning, whatever my glass decides to be on a certain day, empty or full, I control how I feel and the flow of the milkshake inside it

Remember, anyone can have car sex, yet it takes a truly active sexual imagine to make that car have sex with you too. The American's call it first base, second base, third base, don't they? I call it, first gear, second gear and reverse.

FIGHT FOR EQUALITY, NOT TO SEEK REVENGE, PLEASE!

If you don't love the job you do, then it's a job in itself to get up in the morning and go to work

Clearly these were deliberate waterworks to make me feel bad about myself and what would you know, they water-worked perfectly!

My soul might have been hijacked last night, but I definitely didn't sell it, did I?