93 Quotes About Humourous-situations

Throughout history, parents have tried to name their offspring in a manner that would foretell the trajectory of their future. It’s one of the first spells humans encounter in this life. Little did your parents know what would happen today, for you, because of your name, but they blessed this day for you.

The human doesn’t need long mathematical equations to hit a home run in baseball. The human body already understands the math involved and can do it with just some practice. Isn’t that wonderful?

If you were dead, would you want your body to decompose and be eaten by worms until it laid scattered in a zillion pieces as worm dung? Or would you rather have a purpose, find meaning in death and help the generations that come after you?

Cats are the closest thing to zombies in living form, as they have nine lives. For zombies, a cat is like a sheepdog for the sheep. They will lead zombies quite nicely.

Zombies never die. They only rest in pieces.

Through the years, you’ve released parts of you. Some went into the sewer, others you left at your friends’ houses, some on the sidewalk while riding your bike as a kid. Your body is used to being taken apart by pieces and put back together. Swapping parts is hardwired into human existence. It takes on a much larger role in death.

Just as you drop body parts, those parts reassemble, and have done so continuously over the history of the earth. People decompose, become dirt, dirt becomes vegetables and fruit, animals and people eat the food that grows from the dirt that was once a body. It is all one big recycling program the earth does.

Death lies not in being dead, but in acting dead.

I mean, drink driving is bad, drug driving is bad, but what is driving whilst under the influence of a fuc%ing nymphomaniac in your lap? How many years will this get me, if I do manage to keep my eyes on the road and not drive us off it first?