619 Quotes by Joan Rivers

With age comes wisdom. You don't need big boobs to be feminine. Look at Liberace.

My eyes opened, and the first thing I thought of when I could put thoughts together was I want to be in show business. Never wanted anything else. I used to sneak in the costume room at my nursery school and smell the costumes.

I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.

One of the most rebellious things a woman can do is allow people to think she’s mean.

Why should I cook for my husband? So he can tell a hooker I make a delicious cake?

Sure I do a lot of jokes about Anne Frank. But when you do those jokes, it makes people remember what happened to her. That process of bringing her story back doesn't have to be a serious one. What I say is all nonsense, but it helps to keep her memory alive.

All babies look like Renée Zellweger pushed against a glass window.

Don't follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise.

I have to tell you that it's not going to be easy. Take every chance and every opportunity that you can. Don't say 'I can't' or 'I shouldn't' or 'I'm too tired.'