619 Quotes by Joan Rivers

If you don't go to Broadway, you're a fool. On Broadway, off Broadway, above Broadway, below Broadway, go! Don't tell me there isn't something wonderful playing. If I'm home in New York at night, I'm either at a Broadway or an Off Broadway show. We're in the theater capital of the world, and if you don't get it, you're an idiot.

If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.

You make the beds, you wash the dishes, and six months later you have to start all over again

My sex life is so bad, my G-spot has been declared a historical landmark.

The Palestinians cannot throw rockets and expect people not to defend themselves

I'm in nobody's circle, I've always been an outsider.

What we do is a calling...we make people happy

I want to be buried in a Valentino gown and I want Harry Winston to make me a toe tag.

You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six months later you have to start all over again