226 Quotes by Johnny Carson

Do you know my dream? I really want to become an aluminum-siding salesman.

George Burns has been on my show twenty or thirty times, or maybe more. How can you turn down a guy that age?

Happiness is sitting down to watch some slides of your neighbor's vacation and finding out that he spent two weeks in a nudist colony.

Having money gives me the freedom to worry about the things that really matter.

Happiness is a tiger in your tank and a pussycat in your back seat.

A two-pound turkey and a fifty-pound cranberry-that's Thanksgiving dinner at Three Mile Island.

It's silly to have as one's sole object in life just making money, accumulating wealth. I work because I enjoy what I'm doing, and the fact that I make money at it - big money - is a fine-and-dandy side fact. Money gives me just one big thing that's really important, and that's the freedom of not having to worry about money. I'm concerned about values - moral, ethical, human values - my own, other people's, the country's, the world's values. Having money now gives me the freedom to worry about the things that really matter.

I think it’s almost immoral to keep on with a marriage that’s really bad. It just gets more and more rotten and vindictive and everybody gets more and more hurt. There’s not enough honesty about marriage, I think. I wish more people would face the truth about their marital situations.

If it weren’t for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we’d still be eating frozen radio dinners.