226 Quotes by Johnny Carson

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

Talent alone won't make you a success. Neither will being in the right place at the right time, unless you are ready. The most important question is: 'Are your ready?'

As for being sociable, I hate the phoniness in the showbiz world. I know this will be taken wrong, but I don't like clubs and organizations. I was never a joiner.

If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.

Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.

Whatever you do, you're going to be criticized.

Audiences have proved time and again that they don't want a steady diet of any entertainer airing his social views - especially if he's a comedian.

My success just evolved from working hard at the business at hand each day.

I can empathize with President [George Bush]. I know what it feels like having a young guy waiting around for you to keel over.