30 Quotes by Julia Kent

People who think animals have expressionless faces are like people who can ignore an open package of Oreos. Not quite human.

Security has a report of an unattended fainting goat that is loose in the building as well, sir' ''A, What?'' I Snap. 'A fainting goat' ''How do you know it faints?'' 'Guests continue to report a dead goat. Surveillance footage shows that it's just fainting' ''What a relief'' Dec says. ''Because a fainting goat is so much better than a dead one'' he turns to me 'When did your suite become a petting zoo?' ''Shut up

If you’ve never been in a men’s room, and have only set foot in the ladies’ room at most fine (and not so fine) establishments, you need to know this: store owners hate men. No, really—this is the one area where women get treated better. We may earn seventy-seven cents on the dollar compared to men, but, by God, our public bathrooms don’t look like something out of a Soviet-era prison. Or worse—a Sochi hotel during the Olympics.

Josh is the company tech expert, which means we all think he’s a little bit shaman, a little bit magician, and mostly a nerd.

If I had echolocation I could map out the terrain of ab muscles through sheer force of will. His cut body is meant to be relief mapped the way Braille is meant to be read. With my fingertips.

Everything is changing. Everyone is changing. Everyone but me.

Her mouth— ah, that lush, sweet mouth— was a garden, and I was on my back, face tipped in adoration to the sun for giving me such brilliance, delightful aromas, and the indescribable lightness of being with her.

The past twelve weeks had been a blur, and now she was about to meet her baby via ultrasound, go home with a picture of an alien baby that people would pretend was beautiful, and here she sat after drinking a liter of fluid, her panties moist from a bladder that gave up control right around the time her shoes stopped fitting. A light breeze could make her pee at this point. A sneeze would unleash a tsunami.

One bad decision is like building a long line of dominoes and then sneezing and not turning your head