368 Quotes by Karl Pilkington

Avocados, it's a food that ain't worth injuring yourself for. If it's a hassle to get into, leave it to the experts.

People say Dolphins are intelligent and that but they’ve never done anything that have blown me away. They say I’m a div and Dolphins are intelligent…It just baffles me.

To be honest, marriage doesn't scare me and that, it's just once you've been together for so long, if you haven't got any kids it's just a big expensive day out for everyone else to enjoy, isn't it?

Every step starts with a step.

I don't watch much telly, the telly hardly goes on, but the things I do watch are sort of nature programs, and something about the oceans and the amount of weird fish that's in there.

Be the ugly one, look at the nice one.

I mean, I don't really go out at night in terms of noisy, busy places; I prefer more of a quiet corner somewhere.

If Dracula can’t see his reflection, how come his parting’s always neat?

I don't want to go about offending people, that's not my plan.