368 Quotes by Karl Pilkington

People moan about drugs being tested on animals. I sort of think it depends innit. If the drug's aspirin and the monkey's got a headache, is it right?

What happens if someone else has my eyes, and they start looking at stuff I don't like? I don't like the idea of that.

I was still using my eyes even though I had them shut

Why didn't evolution make a giraffe good at carpentry so it could build a ladder?

They've found this spider, in the jungle. Three foot long, it eats chicken. Bit weird, innit. People moan saying that you shouldn't lock animals up and all the rest of it, but to be honest I wish it was locked up. The idea that it's roaming in a jungle... get it locked up.

It's no good operating on eyes if your eyes are asleep

I've been on the planet for 40 years now, and I'm still none the wiser as to what it's all about really. I've never worried about life's big questions. People at my age sit about pondering about 'why are we here?' The only time I ever asked meself that is when Suzanne booked us a surprise holiday to Lanzarote.

There's a lot of idiots in the world, so live with it.

We've had the Iron Age, the Stone Age, this is the pissin' about age.