79 Quotes by Les Dawson

I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.

I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.'

I can always tell when the mother in law's coming to stay; the mice throw themselves on the traps.

Marriage is an institution and that's where a couple finish up.

Slumps don't bother me.

My mother-in-law has so many wrinkles, when she smiles she looks like a Venetian blind.

Funny thing how you first meet the woman that you marry. I first met the wife in a tunnel of love. She was digging it.

How can you analyse what is funny? What's funny to one isn't funny to another... What's funny to you is a personal thing.

I discovered the wife's got asthma. Thank God - I thought she was hissing at me.