79 Quotes by Les Dawson

Everyone has a family tree; the Dawsons have one, it's a weeping willow.

I knew I'd chosen the wrong airline when I noticed the sick bag had the Lord's Prayer on it.

I'd like to thank the BBC for allowing me to work here. And I'd like to thank the wife and kids for making it necessary.

My mother-in-law had to stop skipping for exercise. It registered seven on the Richter scale.

The wife's Mother said, ‘When you're dead, I'll dance in your grave.’ I said: ‘Good, I'm being buried at sea’.

I went to the doctor last week. I said: 'Can I have some sleeping pills for the wife?' He said: 'Why?' I said: 'She's woke up.

I'm not saying my mother didn't like me, but she kept looking for loopholes in my birth certificate.

My mother-in-law has come round to our house at Christmas seven years running. This year we're having a change. We're going to let her in.

I'm often accused of saying some pretty rotten things about my mother-in-law. But quite honestly, she's only got one major fault - it's called breathing.