287 Quotes by Louis C. K.

I don't like waking up. I feel like staying in bed usually, but I can't because I've got two kids standing next to my bed, just eager to live another day.

Some entertainers don't pay attention to what's going on around them.

Most people are dead. Hitler. Ray Charles. Some other guys. But mostly those two.

Most Americans have so much crap, that you could lose most of it and still have way more stuff than the average Canadian.

I don't have a gun, but if I did, I would shoot a baby deer in the mouth and feel nothing.

I would rather be with my kids than anybody else.

What we've done with our modern food supply is absolute insanity. It's not even real any more. You used to be able to give a kid an apple and they would love it. Kids can't even taste apples any more. Apples taste like paper to kids now.

I love comedians. They're my community.

...Then I got divorced and everything changed, and I became a father in a whole new way and found a whole new set of difficulties.