287 Quotes by Louis C. K.

Misery is wasted on the miserable.

If I owned a network, I would never let a guy just put people on without telling me who they are.

If you're older, you're smarter. I just believe that. If you're in an argument with someone older than you, you should listen to 'em. Even if they're wrong, their wrongness is rooted in more information than you have.

Sometimes I try to take a nap before shows. That clears my head.

There's no way you ask Sean Penn a question and then, you're gonna be HUGE !

When I was first divorced, I started dating younger women, and it was really exciting. But after a while I was like, 'This is just dumb.'

You ever go to shop for tuna, and it says "dolphin safe", and you look at it and kind of go, "Yeah, but"-like somehow you think it's not going to be as good? Like, "I want to do the right thing-but it's probably kind of bland without the dolphin."

You have to be aware of who you're talking to in an audience.

Stereotypically speaking feminists can't take a joke. ::audience boo:: See?