210 Quotes by Milton Berle

You look like a normal person, if you can find a normal person who wants to look like that.

Radio... that wonderful invention by which I can reach millions of people... who fortunately can't reach me.

I never stole a joke in my life. I just find them before they're lost.

A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? No, he answers, I hit every one of them!

Remember when you had your face lifted... and the guy brought it back.

My wife is a real Puritan. She thinks licking the stamp on the envelope of a Valentine is foreplay.

Who says we didn't have controversial subjects on TV back in my time? Remember Bonanza? It was about three guys in high heels living together

On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse.

She was nice to him on Valentine's Day. She gave him a heart-shaped rash.