210 Quotes by Milton Berle

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

The human brain is special. It starts working as soon as you get up and it doesn't stop until you get to school.

A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.

A young man fills out an application for a job and does well until he gets to the last question, "Who Should we notify in case of an accident?" He mulls it over and then writes, "Anybody in sight!"

We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight.

This man's wife told him, "For Christmas, surprise me." On Christmas Eve he leaned over where she was sleeping and said, "Boo!"

You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think.

It's amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!

Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.