210 Quotes by Milton Berle

What an orchestra! They just sit there, but their minds are thousands of miles away with their bookies.

The company accountant is shy and retiring. He's shy a quarter of a million dollars. That's why he's retiring.

Folk who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.

I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?

Do you realise that Eve was the only woman who ever took a man's side?

Poverty is not a disgrace, but it's terribly inconvenient.

I really doubt whether evolution ever works, how then come Mothers have only two hands

When I was in school, one of my teachers was crazy about me. I once heard her tell another teacher, "I wish he was my kid for one day!"

I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are; because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star. I'd rather be a has-been than a might-have-been, by far; for a might have-been has never been, but a has was once an are.