210 Quotes by Milton Berle

Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.

It's always consoling to know that today's Christmas gifts are tomorrow's garage sales.

I live to laugh, and I laugh to live.

For every studen with a spark of brilliance, there are about ten with ignition trouble.

I feel like Zsa Zsa Gabor's sixth husband. I know what I'm supposed to do, but I don't know how to make it interesting.

They've finally come up with the perfect office computer. If it makes a mistake, it blames another computer.

We owe a lot to Thomas Edison -- if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight.

Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases.

A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours.