20 Quotes by Paul Rudnick

As a writer, I need an enormous amount of time alone. Writing is 90 percent procrastination: reading magazines, eating cereal out of the box, watching infomercials. It's a matter of doing everything you can to avoid writing, until it is about four in the morning and you reach the point where you have to write. Having anybody watching that or attempting to share it with me would be grisly.

I believe in a benevolent God not because He created the Grand Canyon or Michelangelo, but because He gave us snacks.

I can’t quite put my finger on it, but there’s something quite different about you, from the last time we were together, what could it be….”Was this my ultra-dose of Intoxicated taking effect?“I know!” said the prince happily. “You’re a national disgrace!”“And do you know what else is interesting,” I replied. “In America, Prince is a dog’s name.

My compulsive thoughts aren't even thoughts, they're absolute certainties and obeying them isn't a choice.

Rocher was on the floor, crawling on her stomach toward Jate's feet. "I love you...," she kept repeating, in a demonic whisper. "I have to show you... my butt.

There is only one blasphemy, and that is the refusal to experience joy.

Most gay bashers will be wearing what gay people had on four years earlier – only in polyester with a Penney’s label.

Writing is 90 percent procrastination: reading magazines, eating cereal out of the box, watching infomercials.

Dysmorphia is when someone looks in the mirror, and sees something else. While I studied my own whatever I was, I decided that maybe everyone has at least a touch of dysmorphia; maybe it’s impossible for anyone to ever truly know what they look like.