339 Quotes by Rita Rudner

Men don't feel the urge to get married as quickly as women do because their clothes all button and zip in the front. Women's dresses usually button and zip in the back. We need men emotionally and sexually, but we also need men to help us get dressed.

The logic was, there weren't too many female comedians, so I thought I might as well try a field that had fewer competitors than the field I was in, which was acting, singing and dancing.

Men are brave enough to go to war, but they are not brave enough to get a bikini wax.

We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet.

Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.

I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.

My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping.

Men love watches with multiple functions. My husband has one that is a combination address book, telescope and piano.

If it's attention you want, don't get involved with a man during play-off season.