339 Quotes by Rita Rudner

I don't like when there's too much conversation because I'm shy and it makes me uncomfortable.

Be careful of men who are bald and rich; the arrogance of "rich" usually cancels out the nice of "bald".

My mother's mother is a very tough cookie. She buried three husbands. Two of them were just napping.

If a man prepares dinner for you and the salad contains three or more types of lettuce, he is serious.

I have no organisational skills. All my energy goes into worry - worrying takes a lot of energy.

Blondes have more fun, don't they? They must. How many brunettes do you see walking down the street with blond roots?

After you've dated someone it should be legal to stamp them with what's wrong with them so the next person doesn't have to start from scratch.

My Vegas act is how I make my money.

If you buy your husband or boyfriend a video camera, for the first few weeks he has it, lock the door when you go to the bathroom. Most of my husband's early films end with a scream and a flush.