339 Quotes by Rita Rudner

Buying something on sale is a very special feeling. In fact, the less I pay for something, the more it is worth to me. I have a dress that I paid so little for that I am afraid to wear it. I could spill something on it, and then how would I replace it for that amount of money?

Eye contact is a method utilised by a single woman to communicate to a man that she is interested in him. Many women find it difficult to look a man directly in the eyes, not because of shyness, but because a woman's eyes are not located in her chest.

Men like cars, women like clothes. Women only like cars because they take them to clothes.

Commitment is different in males and females. In females it is a desire to get married and raise a family. In males it means not picking up other women while out with one's girlfriend.

The closest I ever came to a menage-a-trois was when I dated a schizophrenic.

Don't try to teach men how to do anything in public. They can learn in private; in public they have to know.

I want to have young children although my mother and father are even now young sufficient to just take care of them.

... life is broken down into these stages: you're born and you don't know how anything works; gradually you find out how everything works; technology evolves and slowly there are a few things you can't work; at the end, you don't know how anything works.

You know the oxygen masks on airplanes? I don't think there's really any oxygen. I think they're just to muffle the screams.