198 Quotes by Robert Benchley

I am pretty sure that, if you will be quite honest, you will admit that a good rousing sneeze, one that tears open your collar and throws your hair into your eyes, is really one of life's sensational pleasures.

The wise man thinks once before he speaks twice.

I don't want to be an alarmist, but I think that the Younger Generation is up to something.... I base my apprehension on nothing more definite than the fact that they are always coming in and going out of the house, without any apparent reason.

One of the easiest forms of pretense to break down is the pretense of enthusiasm for exotic foods. Just bring on the exotic foods.

England and America should scrap cricket and baseball and come up with a new game that they both can play. Like baseball, for example.

All that a spectator gets out of the game is fresh air, the comical articles in his program, the sight of twenty-two young men rushing about in mysterious formations, and whatever he brought in his flask.

Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.

The ideal age for a boy to own a dog is between forty-five and fifty.

There are several ways to apportion the family income, all of them unsatisfactory.