198 Quotes by Robert Benchley

One cubic foot less of space and it would have constituted adultery.

Streets full of water. Please Advise.

In Milwaukee last month a man died laughing over one of his own jokes. That's what makes it so tough for us outsiders. We have to fight home competition.

But compared with the task of selecting a piece of French pastry held by an impatient waiter a move in chess is like reaching for a salary check in its demand on the contemplative faculties.

There are several natural phenomena which I shall have to have explained to me before I can keep on going as a resident member ofthe human race. One is the metamorphosis which hats and suits undergo exactly one week after their purchase, whereby they are changed from smart, intensely becoming articles of apparel into something children use when they want to "dress up like daddy.

The most common of all antagonisms arises from a man's taking a seat beside you on the train, a seat to which he is completely entitled.

It is rather to be chosen than great riches, unless I have omitted something from the quotation.

I do most of my work sitting down; that’s where I shine.

The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him. That remark in itself wouldn’t make any sense if quoted as it stands.