569 Quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

I told my wife a man is like wine, he gets better with age. She locked me in the cellar.

I used to date a girl from Buffalo. Why can't I meet a girl with normal parents?

I once went out with this wild girl. She made French toast and got her tongue caught in the toaster.

Me and my dad used to play tag, he'd drive!

At Christmas time we couldn't afford tinsel, so we'd wait till grandpa sneezed.

I am the world's oldest teenager. I've never lost my youthful attitude.

Everyone gets their rough day. No one gets a free ride. Today so far, I had a good day. I got a dial tone.

With my doctor, I don't get no respect. I told him I want a vasectomy. He said with a face like mine, I don't need one.

I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back.