8 Quotes by Ruby Walker

Sometimes life’s a shit boat, and it feels like nothing’s ever gone right. And sometimes the only comfort you have is the fact that other people are also in your awful situation. And maybe, just maybe, you’ll make them feel a little less alone.

I hated the things that grew out of my body, my breasts, my hair—even as I imagined they could someday make me sexy. That's what I wanted to be: sexy, not comfortable; pretty, not able; wanted, not admired.

No matter how good I was, no matter how much I pleaded for it or worked for it, I could never make everyone understand me. If my self-esteem was dependent on other people’s feelings, it would never be under control. I’d be on a ship rocking back and forth between emptiness and salvation, never able to really find my feet. 

I was trapped in dichotomy—certain of two things at once that couldn't possibly agree. Believing what happened wasn't bad enough to be so shaken over, but still coming undone. Blaming myself entirely, but still feeling powerless. Standing on the razor’s edge, knowing that I was doing myself wrong, but falling back in every single time.

And I know I’d rather be happy and bland than tortured and interesting. Yet, sometimes it still makes me angry, that I don’t have the option to destroy myself anymore.

People who have never dealt with mental illness will never understand know how legitimately triumphant it feels to decide to take a shower and then actually do it.

Looking at the night sky and feeling small is only a cliche if you can say that getting burned by fire is cliche. It’s a timeless human truth.

I wished I didn't need an ocean of space to feel comfortable. I still wanted to be loved. Yet again I felt like two people: one who desperately needed a hug, and one who would break apart at the slightest touch. How could I get people to keep their distance without leaving completely? How long would it take for them to get tired of the way I flinched and evaded?