91 Quotes by Sam Kinison

Lick the alphabet. It makes you appear creative, it's an easy diagram to remember, it's like "aaaaa.... beeeee.... ceeee.

It occurred to me that there wouldn't be world hunger, if you people would MOVE WHERE THE FOOD IS!!!

I called a detox center - just to see how much it would cost: $13,000 for three weeks! My friends, if you can come up with thirteen grand, you don't have a problem yet.

I have lived a carnal life. My view of life is 'If you're going to miss Heaven, why miss it by two inches? Miss it!' I don't have to go through the thing of paying for it in the next life. I know I'm screwed in the next life.

There's always 30 or 40 Christians standing around, saying, "It's a shame that he has to die." And Jesus is saying, "Well, maybe I wouldn't have to if somebody would get a ladder and pair of pliers!!

There’s no happy ending to cocaine. You either die, you go to jail, or else you run out.

I have lived a carnal life. My view of life is ‘If you’re going to miss Heaven, why miss it by two inches? Miss it!’ I don’t have to go through the thing of paying for it in the next life. I know I’m screwed in the next life.

Jesus is still up in Heaven, thumbing through his Bible, going ‘Where did I say build a water slide?’

How does a guy look at another guy’s hairy ass, and find love?