24 Quotes by Steve Bates

I was thinking of that old expression: Those who fail to repeat history are doomed to learn it.

Aren’t there limits to your powers? Can you do things like read my mind?”“I knew you were going to ask that.

I disguised the time machine as a 1974 Pinto because that’s the model with the exploding gas tank. No one will come near it.

The editorial director of the Hysteria Channel needs to be tough. This is a highly competitive business. We thrive on conflict. Do you have any experience with the kind of human misery that drives our ratings?”“If you look at the second page of my resume, you’ll see that I have destroyed at least 114 civilizations, have threatened three dozen galaxies and have haunted dimensions you’ve never even heard of. Twice, I was named Demon of the Month. That earned me a premium parking spot.” 

What’s wrong with nature shows?”“You can’t believe anything the narrators say. One claimed that some animals mate for life. Come on, they need time off to eat and sleep, don’t they?

Another [change] affects Chip and Joanna Gaines. This couple, who had reached unfathomable heights of popularity with their ‘Fixer Upper’ TV program in the 21st century, are instead homeless and living in a large cardboard box behind the Waco, Texas, bus station.”“That’s harsh,” said Eddie. “What did they do to deserve that?”“Nothing. It’s just one of those undesirable consequences that we could not avoid. It was either that or lose Australia.

There really will be seventeen world wars?” asked Wade.“No, only sixteen that we know of. Everyone got together and agreed to skip number thirteen, because it would be unlucky.

There had been that battle over the awful sign the city put up near his house when he was about seven years old, the one that read “Slow Children Playing”. He was so proud of his mom when she called the city government to complain about it and then appealed to the city council. “Why don’t you put up signs saying ‘Smart Children Playing’ on other streets instead of picking on kids like mine?

Sir, what’s wrong?”“I just lost my wife.”“Bummer. I’ve got a couple of minutes. I’ll be glad to help you look for her.