33 Quotes by Tara Sivec

I don’t even get the term, “the birds and the bees”. How does that properly teach a kid about sex?  You never see a pigeon railing adove or a honey bee sticking it to a bumble bee.

Oh fuck, he was right there. I was wet as hell and he could probably smell me now. I should have eaten strawberries or melon or a dozen roses or an entire mint plant. Did that work for women? I read an article that it worked for men. Their spunk tasted like what they ate. Did my vagina taste like spaghetti right now? God dammit! I shouldn't have eaten dinner!

Claire was going to hate me. Our son was sucked into the pits of hell while I was watching General Hospital. God damn you Brenda and Sonny for making me lose focus.

You and I both know that life sucks. At any minute something crappy could happen, and the two of us just sit around just waiting for the crappy and expecting it. When something good happens, we have to reach out and grab it, otherwise our lives will turn into one giant run-on sentence of daily sucks. I'm tired of the sucks, Addy. Come on, be tired of the sucks with me.

Oh my God, I sent a picture of my boobs to Jim," I moaned as a fresh wave of nausea rolled through me."You also threw up in the emergency room parking lot, called Drew and told him you were the Donkey Punch Dick Queen and filled out a Last Will and Testament on a Burger King napkin and then asked the drive-thru worker to notarize it.

Aaarrggg, ahoy me matey, thars a great grand vagina over yonder." Penises talk like pirates when I'm drunk.

Who are you?" I asked the kid with my eyes when I finally found my voice."I'm Gavin Morgan, who the hell are you?

Unfortunately, being alone with Mia was like being alone with sixty-five rabid cats who just did a few lines of coke.

Pussy punch: when a twat tap just isn't enough