3,122 Quotes by Terry Pratchett

You can’t say ‘if this didn’t happen then that would have happened’ because you don’t know everything that might have happened. You might think something’d be good, but for all you know it could have turned out horrible. You can’t say ‘If only I’d…’ because you could be wishing for anything. The point is, you’ll never know. You’ve gone past.

If anyone locked me in a dungeon, there'd be screams.

It's always worrying to see a journalist take a sudden interest in what you're saying, especially when you half suspect it was a load of pigeon guano.

Овцы глупы, и их надо погонять. А козы умны, и их надо вести.

So many worlds, so many wonders.

I think it's IMPOSSIBLE for anyone famous to come from here, because everyone around here is insane.

Aristocrats don't notice philosophical conundra. They just ignore them. Philosophy includes contemplating the possibility that you might be wrong, sir, and a real aristocrat knows that he is always right. It's not vanity, you understand, it's built-in absolute certainty. They may sometimes be as mad as a hatful of spoons, but they are always definitely and certainly mad.

The problem is, people only think for themselves if you tell them to.

Keeping secrets made you powerful. Being powerful earned you respect.Respect was hard currency.