3,122 Quotes by Terry Pratchett

But a girl starting out in life might well say to herself: 'Is this it? You worked hard and denied yourself things and what you got at the end was hard work and self-denial?

Here you are. Would you like some pickles?”“Pickles gives me the wind something awful.”“In that case—”“Oh, I wasn’t saying no,” Mistress Weatherwax said, taking two large pickled cucumbers.

Besides…where Rincewind went’ – he lowered his voice – ‘trouble followed behind.’Ridcully noticed that the wizards drew a little closer together.‘Sounds all right to me,’ he said. ‘Best place for trouble, behind.

He hated weapons, and not just because they'd so often been aimed at him. You got into more trouble if you had a weapon. People shot you instantly if they thought you were going to shoot them. But if you were unarmed, they often stopped to talk. Admittedly, they tended to say things like, "You'll never guess what we're going to do to you, pal," but that took time. And Rincewind could do a lot with a few more seconds. He could use them to live longer in.

One day I'll work out what it is you are saying, my lad, and then you'll be in trouble.

Weapons were involved in so many crimes that, Swing reasoned, reducing the number of weapons had to reduce the crime rate. Vimes wondered if he’d sat up in bed in the middle of the night and hugged himself when he’d dreamed that one up.

I bet he’s only just been made a captain, thought Vimes. Just think of the lives I could save by accidentally cutting his head off now. Look at those blue eyes. Look at that stupid curly mustache. And he’s only going to get worse.

You mean we’ll be in a famine situation?” said Reg, the light of hope in his eyes.“If we aren’t, Reg, I’m sure you could organize one,” said Vimes.

That was messages without meaning: telepathy without brains.