47 Quotes by Tom Arnold

If one might wish for impossibilities, I might then wish that my children might be well versed in physical science, but in due subordination to the fulness and freshness of their knowledge on moral subjects. ... Rather than have it the principal thing in my son's mind, I would gladly have him think that the sun went round the earth, and that the stars were so many spangles set in the bright blue firmament.

Any time your head explodes, that's not a good situation.

It's pretty lonely and sad to be single. Every night was the same for me, I'd go home and curl up in bed with my favorite book. Well, actually it was a magazine.

Hey, Warren, the Raiders signed you to a seven-year deal. I guess Bill Callahan was right - they are the dumbest team in America.

There are people who believe once somebody gets you a job in show business you are set and the truth is you have to fight for every job. People opened the doors for me for sure and hopefully I've helped open the door for some people but when you're there it's on you and you better be ready for it.

Women; can't live with em, can't kill em

I didn't quit football because I failed a drug test, I failed a test because I was ready to quite football.

My wife's nagging is like living near the airport. After a while you don't notice it any more.

The misconception about Hollywood is that it's a crazy drug and alcohol fueled place. It can be but there's also a huge sober community.