204 Quotes by Zach Galifianakis

I once walked in on my grandparents making love...And that's why I don't eat raisins.

People are trying to prove things. And I probably have that. I probably do. Probably guilty of it, in a way.

My New Year's resolution was to stop saying 'You go, girl' to myself.

I've never been in love... But I imagine it's similar to the feeling you get when you see your waiter arriving with your food

I call my balls the bush twins.

I dream of starting a three-man country trio called the Chixie Dicks.

Did you ever wake up with an erection...and find yourself in a massage chair at Brookstone? And you yell to the sales clerk "I'll take it!"

I don't know what my assistant would do besides get me pot.

I live in Los Angeles and I had been drinking one night, so I was on the walk of fame and I saw Tony Danza's star and I started urinating on it. Just yelling out, 'Who's the boss now?'