204 Quotes by Zach Galifianakis

You know you're getting fat when your socks don't fit.

You know how some people have gay-dar? I have fat-dar. I can automatically tell if you're fat or not. And I also have cerebral-palsy-dar.

Head gear, plus acne equals...table for one in the cafeteria.

When you look like I do its hard to get a table for one at Chucky Cheese.

I don't mean to be gross, but the only time it's good to yell "I have diarrhea" is when you're playing Scrabble because it's worth a shitload of points.

I'm writing a book about Siamese Twins that are attached at the nose. It's called: Stop Staring at Me!

The other day, I got a henna tattoo that says "Forever."

Hookers don't like to snuggle.

Do you ever do something, and then think to yourself: That's So Raven?