12 Quotes by matthew bracey

He had the gift of the gab and could sell sand to Arabs. Hell, he could sell a bag of dildos to a nun – no joke

It didn’t take him thirty seconds to have a swig of vodka and a hefty sniff before his hands were as steady as a bloke with his bollocks caught in a zip

Are you beating the meat? Flogging the bishop? Spanking the monkey?

It was mostly just the concept of eating a cock that Matthew found so challenging, irrespective of which animal it came from.

I feel a bit like the Willy Wonka of Neon, if you could eat neon, chocolate would be the next best thing

Who wants girls when they could have ‘GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS’?

If Brian Harvey from East 17 has lived there, it can’t be that fucking bad

Bad choices make for interesting stories

I don’t need to learn about computers and the internet. My sperm does it for me