My humor is so dirty I could masturbate to it.

Today I am amused, and I haven't seen anyone yet.

If you can't be yours while being mine, maybe you aren't as yours as you'd like to convince yourself that you are.

I'm not trying to put you down, but even if I did, you'd have nowhere to go.

When I hear that people live by the book, I always wonder which one.

Love is blind. Especially in the morning, because I can't see a damn thing before having coffee.