They're professionals at this in Russia, so no matter how many Jell-O shots or Jager shooters you might have downed at college mixers, no matter how good a drinker you might think you are, don't forget that the Russians - any Russian - can drink you under the table.

There’s something wonderful about drinking in the afternoon. A not-too-cold pint, absolutely alone at the bar – even in this fake-ass Irish pub.

For their own good, vegetarians should never be allowed near fine beers and ales. It will only make them loud and belligerent, and they lack the physical strength and aggressive nature to back up any drunken assertions.

Even on the Serengeti, it ain't a barbecue if there ain't some kind of beer.

I believe - to the best of my recollection, anyway - that I soon made the classic error of moving from margaritas to actual shots of straight tequila. It does make it easier to meet new people.

When dealing with complex transportation issues, the best thing to do is pull up with a cold beer and let somebody else figure it out.

Unlicensed hooch from a stranger in a parking lot. Good idea? Yes, of course it is.

I managed to reach a depth of self-loathing that usually takes a night of drinking to achieve.

I need the anesthetic qualities of the local fire water.