I have more respect for somebody who's like, 'Yeah I like to party, so screw off,' then for Tara , who talks about not partying and ends up passed out underneath a Subway, not a subway station, but the actual sandwich shop - two days later.

I have no idea why gay men love me, but I would have to assume it's because they know how much I love the gays! Everyone needs a good gay man in their life.

... some of the best sex I can barely remember.

He was all emotion all the time, constantly talking about his feelings and his profound love for her. He was minutes from getting his first period. He wrote poems too. It's my personal belief that if men are writing poems, they're making up for something else like a big hair back, or one ball. Not that one ball is a bad thing. Especially since I don't know any females who are dying to their their hands on a set of balls. The way I see it, the less balls, the better.

Why would you go out and not drink? Just stay home and sit there.

But then, like George Michael in a men's bathroom, I got cocky.

I know they don't recommend Ibuprofen during pregnancy, but you needed something fast for the hangovers.

Kristen Stewart always looks like she's posing for pictures taken in a basement by her creepy uncle.

I think they should make Twilight closets and all the cast members can walk out of them.